I’ve been reflecting on my resolutions for the new year, but haven’t determined on any specific item yet. Part of me wants to revamp my entire life, because despite all the good in my life (and there is an abundance), I am not especially happy. My inner daemon tells me that this is just my blues influencing my thinking. And yet my blues are contradictory. They tell me that it’s too much to try and that I’ve had all these thoughts and plans before and they’ve come to naught and that I should just accept my life as it is just as they tell me to scrap everything and start anew.
Well, isn’t that depressing? And tempting.
But I don’t want to feel blue anymore. I don’t want to be grossed out by my own midsection. I don’t want to keep saying, “Today, I’m going to write,” and then not do it. I don’t want to be ashamed anymore of my house, my body, my lack of accomplishments.
Ugh. Enough whining. DO IT ALREADY.
What works for me: a plan. The days that I sit down and physical write out, “Today, I’m going to…” then things happen. I need to be careful not to plan too much to do. I’ve driven myself into a frenzy more than once trying to get too much accomplished. But the days where I think in the morning that maybe I’ll do this or do that, I forget it all by the time I’m done with my shower and I sit at the computer and play online.
Shit. I can’t keep writing this crap. It’s the same thing over and over.
My life is a bad novel sometimes. I’m forever telling and not showing.
It’s time to show, don’t tell.
